Where to Start?

So how does one teach kindness?

From my not-yet-a-teacher vantage point, it’s easy to pontificate about reaching children with a message of kindness. But while I can address the topic with optimism, I can’t really talk about it with authority. I know that teachers face unimaginable challenges. Some students are reachable—they don’t want to be bullied and they aren’t inclined to bully. But what about those seemingly unreachable students? There are always going to be those kids who—by nature or nurture—are going to enter kindergarten with a chip on their shoulder that grows as they proceed through elementary, junior high and high school. In my limited classroom experience, I’ve met them. I can remember the sweet-looking little blonde boy who, in my presence sneered at my daughter that he was going to get a gun and shoot her. I also remember the menacing boy in my class last year (I was a teacher’s aide) who initially terrified me. He had been expelled from numerous schools and arrived at ours with a rap sheet detailing his various on-campus offenses. I saw how quickly he could charm other kids into his influence, and how those kids then became belligerent and insolent. Bullies are never short on cohorts.

So what’s a teacher to do? I think you start by acting kind. As an aide, I worked under a tyrant who obviously needed a break. She screamed at everyone and ruled the kids with an iron fist. Initially, I had a great rapport with the kids. I made a point to get to know them by asking about their families, their interests and their activities. I was exceedingly nice to them and they, in turn, were cooperative. But as the semester went on, I found myself starting to emulate the tyrant. Like her, I started sending misbehaving kids outside to stand alone. Isolation—now there’s a way to socialize students! In retrospect, I feel bad about the way I handled a couple of situations. I was glad when the year was over so I could regroup and regain my kinder instincts.

But back to that “bad boy” I described above—the one with a school rap sheet. One day I was alone with him to administer a reading test. (This was a special ed class). To my complete astonishment, he was an excellent reader and his comprehension was perfect. He was, in fact, the best reader in the class and could read well above his grade level. I started a conversation with him about his skills—where did he learn to read? Who taught him? He asked if he had done well and I told him that he was incredible. I went on to tell him that I knew he’d had some tough experiences in previous schools but that he was now in a new situation where he could start fresh. I also told him that I thought he was fully capable of great things—and I meant that. Suffice to say, my relationship with that student was wonderful for the rest of the year. Could I now reach him with other messages about things like bullying? Absolutely.

To teach kindness, surely one needs to model it. The best teachers seem to recognize that every child walks into a classroom with all sorts of baggage—some of it positive and some of it horrendous. Taking a genuine interest in who those students are, and what they most need, creates an environment for delivering messages that are likely to be heard. Students view teachers as figures of authority. If “authority” means something positive, there will be endless opportunities to convey good things.

It’s not everything, but it’s a start.